Saturday, May 19, 2012

Snap Off, Betty

I love my job-- working retail offers a front row view into a quirky brew of life-- a sea of characters that you cannot make up. I dig them all-- some more than others. Here is a fruity cocktail from Friday afternoon...

Customer code name: Sassy approaches the register with a bridge set -- she is pushing 80, dressed in zebra pants, zebra necklace, zebra earrings and zebra purse--and crackle nail polish ).

Me:  Well, hello! Those are some mighty cute bridge cards you have chosen-- can I ring them up for you?

Sassy: Yesss! It's hard to find extra jumbo size bridge cards, I'll take these. I need some for when Betty comes over to play bridge-- she is a nice girl, but I hide my good cards when she plays with us.

Me:  Oh, really? tell me more...(and don't leave anything out).

Sassy:  WELL... Betty is a card snapper. When she has a great card-- she will hold it in both hands, bending it all up,  massaging and hiding it at the same time--  like somebody is looking over her shoulder and they might rip it out of her hand and steal her big damn victory...
then right before she pops-- she "snaps" down the card on the table to accentuate the point that she is the world's most awesome bridge player in America.

Me:  Oh--- sort of like spiking the football, right?

Sassy:  Exactly!! Plus she ruins my damn card! I'll take these-- for when Betty comes over.

This is not Betty, I hired a professional model to protect her identity.

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